Funny Retirement Wishes, Messages and Quotes

Funny Retirement Wishes:  Retirement is a great thing especially when you have funny quotes to make you laugh.Life needs retirement humor!  We need to learn how to lighten up and enjoy this incredible time in our lives.  We need to let all the retirement wishes soak in and live each day to the fullest.  Below you will find some wonderful funny quotes about retirement and all the comes along with it.  We hope it brings a bit of humour to your day. So, we have compiled some quotes here for you hoping that they will make you laugh too! They could be used in a card or letter to send as part of your wishes.


Happy Funny Retirement Messages

Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.

The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty…..But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no stress, no money!


Don’t worry about avoiding temptation …As you grow older, it will avoid you.


Funny Retirement Quotes

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.

Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.


A little daily humor can go a long way.  And in the retirement years laughter should be a big part of your life!  So remember to keep smiling and looking for the lighter part of your days!

When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you. 


If you have a significant other than this quote is true for you! This is even more true if your significant other is your wife. Most women like to take over so when their husbands join them in retirement, its their change to be the boss!

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.

Well this is definitely one to keep in mind if you are not retired yet. You may be getting close to retirement but that doesn’t mean you are retired. So keep working hard and your chosen retirement will be here before you know it!

Best Funny Retirement Wishes

In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.


I think unless you absolutely love coffee, why drink it during retirement at all? This is your time to be lazy if you want, why need caffeine?

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.

Okay, so we all want to be retired, but we don’t realize that most people are on a fixed income during retirement which is significantly lower than what they are use to having. So as much as we hope retiree’s can go out and do anything they want, this might not be possible. But money isn’t everything. You can still make your dreams come true with a little bit of saving or creativity!

Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it.

Retirement is not for schedules and deadlines! Doing half of nothing sounds great to me!

In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.

Even in retirement everyone needs a day of once in a while. Don’t be afraid to leave your life behind for a nice vacation or road trip.

Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow I must be retired


If you like to fish or gold or whatever, do it as much or as little as you want. That is what retirement is for. To enjoy the things you love to the fullest, or at least until you get sick of it!!

We hope you have found these funny quotes to be somewhat comical as we did. Retirement is definitely not a joke, but like everything else in life, there are funny moments about it. We hope you are laughing on your retirement and making the most of a great situation.

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